I was overwhelmed. I can remember those feelings every year – trying to be strong and to navigate everything while feeling so emotionally and physically weak. And this year is no different. Except that, despite all of my could be’s and should be’s from the past week, I am reminded, kindly, gently, by a Father who has never been anything but loving and trustworthy and good to me, that He is.
A particularly trying day with my kids on Sunday left me thinking a lot about those things. The two hours spent getting everyone dressed and out the door for, and then sitting through, church leave me feeling steamrolled, and maybe it was because of the girls’ upcoming birthday, but on that particular day, I spent a lot of time wondering if I could have managed if my twins were with us. And if they were, would we still have our sweet youngest daughter? If things are difficult and I feel overwhelmed with four, am I glad that I don’t have two more? Did God know I couldn’t handle it?
Any parent who has lost a child knows how painful this seemingly benign question can be.
To most people doing the asking it’s just a way to make small talk. Just getting to know you a little bit more. They have no idea about the internalized chain reaction of thoughts and decisions they set off by asking this.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3 Nine years ago, with three young boys under the age of five at home, my husband and I learned that we were expecting twins. Halfway through the pregnancy, however, we learned that our identical twin daughters were affected by something called Twin-to-Twin TransfusionContinue reading “On chocolate chips and trusting God”
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11 Nine years ago today, I lay in a hospital bed in Philadelphia. I was 20 weeks pregnant with identical twin daughters who were suffering from a condition called Twin-to-TwinContinue reading “One for sorrow, two for joy”